MILWAUKEE, WI — Last Thursday, culture war veteran and American flag clothing enthusiast Gene Tremba woke up covered in cold sweat and with his heart racing because of a nightmare he had about that one time he accidentally stumbled into a local pride parade back in June, totally-not-homophobic sources confirmed.
“It was goddamned awful. I was on my morning walk around the neighborhood where I make sure no one color— err, no one questionable was hanging around where they ain’t s’posed to,” recalled Tremba, who was wearing a camo hat, despite living downtown. “Anyway, I heard this commotion, so I headed in the direction of the noise, and there it was: (slur) as far as the eye can see. They were floutin’ their blatant sexuality all over the place, lookin’ all erotic— evil, I mean evil. Goddamned shame. The worst part is: because of that disgusting display, I was exposed to the Woke Mind Virus, and I wasn’t wearing a mask. I probably caught it.”
Earl Turner, a neighbor of Tremba who witnessed the parade, was also disgusted by what he saw.
“Do Americans really have to worry about constant exposure to WMV because (slur) are out dancing in the streets without masks, exposing everyone to this dangerous disease?” Turner asked, then pointed to a Pride flag. “Those left-wing, commie Dumbocrat liberals say I’m afraid of colors because I don’t like that flag. Ain’t about the flag. It’s about what it represents: (slur) prancing around spreading that contagious virus. Unlike that COVID plandemic bullshit, WMV is real, man. And it kills.”
Gavin Spencer, host of the libertarian podcast Privacy Pod, commented on parades being overtaken by minority groups and leaving the rest of America behind.
“These insidious, homosexual leftists are taking over the parade industry because it gathers the most people together for the quickest transmission of the virus,” explained Spencer. “Also, those gays in the parade don’t wear masks, and they’re selfish assholes for it. I mean, if they wanna infect each other with the Woke Mind Virus—when you’re not having their Satanic gay abortions every day, of course—then, that’s fine. That’s their right in a free country. But when you start infecting others—now it’s a public health threat, and the government needs to step in and put a stop to it.
At press time, Tremba and Turner plan to wear a mask to all parades from now on, “just in case (slur) show up.”